You are just as God intended that you should be. And today I just wanted to remind you to stay soft yet assertive. Firm and yet gentle
Do not turn away from your nature, from your original design and trust me I know there are things that will shake you.They will make you feel like “what I’m I not doing right?”
Do I always deserve to be on the receiving end of the brokenness of the other person? Do I always need to be the one allowing my heart to get stepped on? Do I always have to be the one waiting, the one smiling even when I’m in pain, the one just taking it all in?
But here’s the flip side. Even after being placed in this harsh world, your heart is expected to remain soft and gentle. However what the word says is to guard your heart and not to cage your heart. There are seasons in which God placed burdens on my heart I couldn’t bear because I felt like this will break me and yet those very things enlarged my heart and taught me the wisdom of balance.
That I am good doesn’t mean I am like a city without walls or without control.
He taught me that was it meant to be compassionate, to give without reservation, to pray without ceasing and to love boundlessly, to hold steadfast in waiting and not run away when things get tough because that is the true measure of love. And so he placed me with friends completely opposite from me, kind of like how he gave Hosea a wife of a harlot just to express how he felt whenever Israel decided to live their first love.
The pain I experience when people are away is kind of like the one he experiences when I choose to shutdown, when I choose to not face my life soberly bearing in mind that I AM because he is, when I feel like Lord I just can’t anymore so I decide to rake breaks and come back when I feel ready to do life with him again. That is exactly how he feels when and that is the way I feel when the people I bare my soul to decide to take breaks and leave me. But you know what else that taught me how to remain untouched by the world. The thing is people have been scarred by many things , things that each time they try to remember they start to breakdown and here is you wanting to love them, wanting to care for them when all their life that is something they have never known.
Imagine that is some of us with God, all we knew before him was the parties, the sex, the drugs, how good we loved the toxicity even though late at night it made us wet our pillows till our hearts were convinced that it was normal to bear that pain and here is God saying forget all that, I remember it not. You’re mine beloved, with scars, flaws and all and yet we want to hold on to the identity of the things that scarred us because they’re familiar even when the good things have come. It feels like no I don’t deserve this even when someone has chosen to love you that you begin to push them away and sometimes it is never fair to the people who love us that we want them to give us space and then come back when we feel ready. What happens to them during that space but here’s what God taught me. That is what love is sometimes. The waiting mirrors Christ love as he pursues a man. Many of us were pursued for long by God such that we know he went out of his way just for us to be where we are today. Men made sacrifices and prayers for us.
with love,
Unathi Dube.