A point in my life came, some call it the evil day. But it’s basically the time of trail that each man is to face in their life. So there I was, in a literal storm, I didn’t know I’d make it out in one piece or if I’d make it out at all. Well today I won’t be telling you exactly what it was but I’ll explain what I was going through kneeling where I was, because I’d be dishonest if I tell you I was standing.
Despair: the complete loss or absence of hope.
Anguish: severe mental or physical pain and suffering.
My experience: there were days when I couldn’t pray, I would sit there, sometimes in a moment of nothingness and grieve. Sometimes I’d be hurting in no particular direction but I’d be there hoping and begging God in the silence of the raging sea of painful emotions I tiptoed in. some days I was angry at God, I was in a place where I believed with the way God had walked with me in times past he should have kept me from that fire. Other times I resented people I went to serve God with before, when I was believing him for the things I was. For the most part there were sermons and testimonies that I could not stand because “that was the dimension of God that let me down.” Writing to you today I can feel the healing as it is cementing. I was literally begging God to let me die!
You’re probably wondering why I wrote to you today, well it was most definitely not to bond over pain and hurt. I started the letter that way because I wanted to share a picture of where I was standing and the weight of what had happened to on the person of Kana Lusuba. I wrote to you today to share with you some of the lessons I learnt in that period of time. One day I’ll speak about what happened, but today I wanted to show you what I had learnt.
- There should be words that you must hold onto that preserve you.
“We are hard pressed on every side, yet not crushed… struck down, but not destroyed” there is this that causes a man to be pressed on EVERY SIDE but not crushed, and in this moment I was taught that the word of God is that for you and I dear chosen. God has said certain things to us and these are the things that were designed to keep us going in hard times as well as keep us in the perfect will of God.
2. That in harsh conditions too we must fight hard to preserve the integrity of the person that we have been molded into and holding on to convictions that will cause us to stand relying on nobody but God. Because sometimes, sometimes under normal circumstances someone might say they need time to recollect and heal.
But I’ll ask you, if a woman was giving birth and her canal had to be manually ripped to allow the child proper passage. Right there and then would it be normal for her to say right there as the baby is going through that she had to heal first? Some situations require that the wounded soldier fights to their safety bleeding and they must make it out alive!
3.Lastly among many lessons I’d have loved to share, I want to tell you that in certain seasons of your walk with God he will send different people to stand around you, pillars that will minister to your soul differently as you need. Because sometimes when you cannot relate to your father’s ruling, your mother comes to re-minister what your father was saying but in a way that helps you receive it better. Allow those God has raised for you to minister to you, these will be the people that will most often remind you what it means to be loved by God.
Dear Chosen, I love you and I want you to know that the father intends that you are fully equipped and correctly renewed in this walk you are living.
With Love,
-Kana Lusuba-